From the Outside Looking In

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Many say I don’t see how women do it.  Every week a couple days wait for that call  Wait for the man they love who got locked up to tell him that they are his all and all 

Every month telephone bill  is so high and when she finally doesn’t accept the calls the men locked up act like they are gonna die

What they don’t realize is that with rent, mortgage, gas and electric, car payment, etc… that extra money on his phonecalls and commissary makes her too want to cry.

On Saturday it is  always a rush to make it to the visit by three and sometimes when the CO turns them away for their clothes that she is wearing the woman’s heart is so crushed so heavily

Then other Saturdays going through the metal detectors and their body parts the officers have to check and touch  only for a 30 minute visit that’s the only time they allow and you have to go through so much smh

I know many will say well she chose him and he shouldn’t have done what he done but I am telling in life there sometime can be unexpected circumstances and you never know when your otherwise good family member will be the one 

The one who happens to make the wrong decision   The one whose better judgement he doesn’t listen and you too will understand the things others go through when their man or love one  doesn’t listen

So what will you do just say leave him there to rot  or will you love your family member the same  
Will you understand the correctional system is all a money game and a big ole money laundering plot

A game to make money off of the ignorance of poor Blacks and Latinos  and a plot to get money out of people whose rights that just don’t know  It is so corrupt that even the CO women sometimes turn into jail hoes

You actually have people in jail for something as simple as traffic violation because their already broke family members couldn’t post the bail   they  go to court get off that charge and usually get probation.  They think OK one mistake they can start over why not I am from America the greatest and most free nation LOL Silly them

Only problem is nobody will hire them hell who can trust a criminal
 
How can you expect those folks who want to work but can’t get a job to stay out of jail and keep their criminal dealings to a minimal

If you couldn’t eat what would you do would you stand there and starve or would you have to do what you have to do and try to lookout for the boys in those blue and white cars

On the outside looking in it is always so easy to speak, but until you are placed in a position you should be thankful, remain humble, and not pass judgment on your brethren you see

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Your Money Doesn’t Move Me

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You are good enough for somebody, but unfortunately you aren’t good enough for me  especially because you feel the biggest way to turn me on is by  flaunting your money

There’s more to me than material things boy show me your intellect and character not no cars, I am a real ass chic not no groupie trying to get wifed by a star

Yes you have a nice ride, money, and women flock to you just like you are a star  but really why would I want to be serious with a dude who every night of the week is up in someone’s club or bar 

Every time I try to get deep you can never keep up and the only time you call me or want to be around me is when you just finished drinking a big ole red cup

So go over there and talk to those other chics cause this one here needs substance not just your money and you big stick

I’ve Gone Through too Much to Have Low Standards

Me with glitter shirt on

Never been a hoe but somehow always been mistreated and misunderstood get your popcorn and snacks together because these situations are gonna be good

I am dating a Gemini Age 39 to be exact, he is a cool ass dude always preaches to me about aiming higher and to only believe the facts   He dresses so nice, nice fade,chocolate skin,  million dollar cologne, every time we go eat I just wanna jump all over that!!!!!

Once dated 3 Cancers, the second one was too moody for me I loved him genuinely but he  lied too much and made me feel rejected and lonely

Cancer number 1 was a habitual liar had me thinking I was his girl we took trip after trip it was our goal to take on the entire world  til one day all of a sudden after several months he just disappeared I called him and called him and then my phone rang and ole girl on the phone told me she was his girlfriend of 3 years  I mean we were together all day everyday even met his family never thought that ALL those mofos was in on it and knew he was lying to me

Number 3 was driven like me, plus we were cool ass friends until he revealed to me that he had been digging me romantically for a min.  At first I thought it was a great idea we were planning to travel well that’s at least what he said  then he did something to piss me off and make me mad  Two weeks later I get a call asking me for advice on how to make some chic that I knew nothing about at first his wife.  Once she rejected his proposal he had the nerve to call again , but by that time I had already made up in my mind that he tried to make me a rebound and we could only be platonic friends

My longest relationship was with a Libra good dude everyone on the outside looking in would say all and all, but he was very violent, never appreciated me holding him down, so the police all the time I had to call

That Leo back then was a trip he could last longer than most men only problem was his disloyalty he was hot in the ass and  had too many fucking female friends He also stayed in and out of jail just couldn’t stay off those corners, just had to be the king of everything even if that mean giving away his freedom to the “your honors”

The Saggitarious I dated was a tad bit too much for me, he joked too damn much and never took any problems I had with him seriously

Now the Pisces I had was deep as hell, man he taught me so much, he use to make love to my mind, body, and soul it felt so heavenly with every stroke and touch.  The only problem with him was he was scam artist ripping people off from Bmore to Cali, I use to be so afraid that one day the police was gonna find him dead in someone’s alley.

So when you say my standards are too high shit shouldn’t they be I’ve been through too damn much to let any ole body enter me

No Place for A Kid

Me with glitter shirt on

 

 

The year was 1985 that’s when crack hit Bmore real bad

All my male cousins were making money, going to Odells, had big gold chains, buying Maximas, and everyone seems happy but somehow  I was the only 5 year old without a dad

Everyone was real quiet when I asked why he didn’t come see me anymore, did I act too spoiled or was it the nags about money from my mommy

Finally my mommy built up enough heart to break the news

Daddy was probably never coming home he had to go to work for 40  years

I had never heard of anyone working for 40 years I was so damn confused

Things got real bad after that,  we had to move from our house if daddy was at work for 40 years why didn’t he send money here for his kid I thought to myself

I don’t think mommy could handle the pressure so she started sniffing that stuff that she would sell in front of me to our neighbors that she kept in her dresser

One Saturday we got up real early for a little surprise

She told me to hurry up so we could get somewhere before it got too crowded my little mind started thinking “oh this must be big if she is keeping it disguised”

I was thinking yeah we are going shopping, or maybe she is buying me some candy after all I was just 5 what else could be popping

We pulled up to this big brick building on the Eastside of town  it looked like a beat up ole castle out the  window men were yelling at my mom and acting like clowns

As we walked a little closer I noticed the castle had gates and wires all around it

This place is starting to look scary and as we went inside that’s how it sound

Nothing but keys and gates closing man it was so noisy in there

Then they called my daddy’s name and mommy gave me a strange stare

We walked through this white box I don’t know why it beeped, but when it did this man in a black uniform said  my pockets he needed to pat and peep

These people in here act strange where are the other kids all I see are other adults looked through the window beside me and seen a bunch of men

Today is Saturday if it is gonna be nothing but adults here I  could have stayed home and played jacks with my friends

They opened the door to where the men were sitting there were some women there too and that’s when I seen my daddy in handcuffs and  that’s when I finally got a clue

Now tell me what type of place was that for a kid

She could have waited a few more years to tell me and my daddy could have continued to call home once a week and lie and say he was away at work like he usually did

Written by MsLibraBmore

I AM A CANCER

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AH welcome to my home I just loooooove my home.  Look at all the decorations on the wall.  Look at the pictures of my kids.  They are cute aren’t they? Yeah I would die for them  So glad you stopped over ooohhhhhh  I am sooooo happy NOW

WTF IS GOING ON MY ANKLES ARE KILLING ME ALL OF A SUDDEN.   Man I feel horrible.  Look I don’t even wanna talk about nothing right now.  Yeah Yeah I know I said I was glad you came, but shit my ankles.  Look you can watch TV do whatever I am going in my room and I will be back out in a couple of days to talk to you

Two days has gone passed!!!!  You know what I am really hurt that you let me go in my room and didn’t even care if I was feeling bad.  I know I told you not to bother me, but really my feelings are so hurt!!!  I can’t believe you would do something like that to me.  You know what fuck it I don’t need anyone.  That’s why I don’t get close to people.  Screw you anyway that’s why I am getting reading to go to work  HA

They put me in charge at work.  Yep I am good at my job.  Plus, I make a whole lotttt of money working there only problem is I only have 50,000 saved up and so I feel depressed as hell  yeah no that’s not no money.  I don’t even feel like talking to nobody now!  Nope look it is nothing personal I gotta find me some damn way to make at least $100,000 cause I am losing sleep at night cause I feel broke

Hey baby what you doing? Look I know we have been dating for 10 years, but really can I trust you? Naw really I think you might hurt me.  You know my biggest fear is being hurt right!!!! Yeah yeah I know you have over the years given me a kidney, held me down while I was locked up, robbed a bank for me before, but you never actually come out and tell me you love me and that I can trust you so I was just wondering. 

Ah damn you want me to go where? Unh unh unh we are staying in this house!!!  Yeaaaah I think I will cook a meal or something and we can watch Survivor all night!!!! Yep sounds like a plan.   Wait wait make sure the kids are up too  I bought them allll this stuff today.  They are gonna love this!!!!!  See I told you ahhhh it makes me feel sooooo good to have a great family, good partner, wonderful house, nice paying job, and just be happy in life!!!!! Gotdammit I just realized I don’t have a degree.  Man yall watch survivor by yourselves.  Look Look don’t nag me now.  I said I don’t feel good all of a sudden.  I am a Cancer dammit you knew this when you meant me that I was moody I don’t understand why you don’t understand that I don’t wanna be bothered sometime.  Ha  sigh  you know what I am going down the basement and just sit by myself because I hate arguing and you just are trying to upset me!!!! 

I AM A PISCES

Me with glitter shirt on

 

Shhhh be quiet I am thinking   yep yep  I like you a whole lot but shhhh I am thinking  please just don’t talk.

Wait a minute hold up see the moon and did you notice the way the Sun was shining to the East yesterday?  Oh my God I think I’ve got it today I am superwoman.  Nope don’t tell me I see it already.  I’ve been sitting here thinking and I seen it I am superwoman and next year this time  I will President of the United States

I know I told you that I like you a lot earlier and to be quiet, but what do you want from me?  No no  you aren’t fooling anyone what do you want from me?  I know it is something   It has to be come on tell me you want my money don’t you? Come on it has to be some motive

Hold up ah yes I found my big bag of weed  Yippeeeee I can zone out quietly and just think….  So now you wanna tell me what it is you want.  Shhhhhh look you are crowding my mental space up.  I need to think  yeah you can stay just don’t say a word though while I am thinking  hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Wait it is time to go to work!!!! I love work!!! Love my career!!!!  It gives me the freedom to earn money LOTS OF MONEY only problem is I am gonna lose it all  and earn it all again!!! Yep  now I am bored with that job!!!  Yeah I am fishing for another maybe I can run for the Ambassador of all African countries!!!  Yesssssssss that’s what I am gonna do  I am running for the ambassador WATCH!!!!

What do you mean that’s unrealistic????  You know what I knew it was something about you I didn’t like.  You are a hater!!!! The FBI sent you here to ruin my spirits didn’t they????  Calm down nope I am gonna go punch a hole in the wall.

Oooh can we have sex????  Naw not just sex!!!! Let me take you to another planet!!!!  I swear when I get finish with you our spirits are gonna have interwined so well you will feel me with you even when we are apart.  I mean zoned the hell out!!!!

Why are you crying???  Awe tell me all your problems!!!!  I lovvvve  youuuuuu soooo much!!! Let me go out and buy you a car… Yep that’s what I want to do buy you a new car!!!!

So what I bought you that new car, made love to you to the point where it felt spiritual, dammittt look we are just moving too fast.  Yeah I need my space cause there is no way in hell you like me.  I mean me? Why would you like me?  Naw I am not good enough  Nope don’t believe you let me break it off with you before you break it off with me!!!!

I hate to see people fighting.  Man I wish I could fix everyone’s problems.  I am stressed out so badly because this one and that one isn’t doing well.   What the hell are you telling me everyone’s problems for I think you have an agenda don’t you!!!!!

Oh hell naw they came for my family.  I am gonna kill everyone in site I don’t play that shit!!! Oh they thought I was laid back hunh!!!! They are getting ready to see what time it is!!!!!!!

Grandma

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How can I be happy after sitting here and watching you suffer

Seems like every few hours you are taking one pill after another

If you don’t get better who the hell is gonna be my second mother

Who will tell me baby it will be Okay Kesh if you believe in God all you have to do is pray

Who will listen to me rant and rave and not judge me for the foolish way I  can sometimes behave

People seem to not think it is a big deal all they seem to do is laugh and  talk about  how on Sundays you would cook those big ole meals

For me it is much bigger than that  You’ve been more of  a mom to me than my own mom that’s a fact  You taught me how to be a woman, a great mom, a great cook, and to always stay true and keep it real

So why are greedy mofos acting like all that matters is your house and cars that they can get for a steal

You’ve always told me not to get so hyped and to just pray, but the hand you’ve been dealt grandma seems so unfair for such an irreplaceable soul most are gonna say

All I can do is sit here with hope

Hope that you pull through

Hope that God hears me cry

Hope that because of a heartless soul who tried to take you away you don’t die

You are Now at the Libra’s Mercy

Me with glitter shirt on

If you were my man oh I would treat you like no other Libra can

Work all day that’s fine Get off at 5 by 6;30 as soon as you come home you are alllll mine

Soon as you hit the door I am gonna be there on my knees on the floor

See I love chocolate ice cream cones sometimes vanilla ones too but that’s neither here nor there since you are my man I am gonna show you how us erotic  Libras do

No wam bam business just slow and passionate love but before we go that far let’s start with a back rub

I have this new vicky secret berry kissable lickable lotion I wanna try after the way I am getting ready to handle you

you’re gonna feel like a little ole punk cause I am gonna make your grown ass cry almost like some newborn babies do

when I get finished playing with your mic you’re gonna think you’ve gone to heaven and died if I ever bring this night up again to anyone I bet you will try to lie and say it never happened how I had your old ass zapping

I know the massage relaxed you a lot and hit the spot but boy this show has just begun

wait til you see what’s next awe man it is gonna be fun

Turn on over to the front oh my mouth has the warmness you want

I can tell by the hardness of your tip

Still is something you aren’t gonna be able to sit

As I put more saliva on it man come on  stop being so loud

All that shit you talk to with your boys if they could see how loud you are calling my name they wouldn’t be too proud  *devilish chuckle*

As my tongue slides up and down my tonsils you can feel  I know you are thinking to yourself “this is way better than any ecstasy pill”

Hey babe are you OK you look like you are having a stroke

why are your are eyes rolled back in your head  while your man explores the back of my throat

I know you can hear me talking to you but your mouth is wide open but you aren’t answering

after this night oh trust me you WILL need a counselor

Stop you are yelling

cause you are warning me that it is almost that time

negro please  I ain’t stopping that milk is all mine

I am dehydrated as hell and yearn for every drop

and right now my vocabulary doesn’t even consist of the word stop

So you are a retard now? Why does your toes look so curled and damn near deformed

damn look what I have started I bet if  we ever break up you are gonna act worst than a baby mama scorned

Things are getting real weird you now are sitting up look down at me looking amazed and almost scared

Here it goes you scream your face is ugly as hell and you look real mean and mad

But it is kind of funny to have a grown man at my mercy and hear him yell

Don’t pull away nope I am not letting it out gonna hunker down on it until you water this drought

You thought I was joking when I said earlier you didn’t want to find out what us Libras are about

Why the heck are you getting even louder my neighbors will hear and after this day don’t be talking about caring so much and how we should have kids

Stop grabbing on my head boy you know if you pull a Black woman’s weave we will kill you dead

oh you are finished now but question why do you look so perplexed and scared

well where the hell is the evidence you finished I can see it all

oh I know it it is on my tonsil walls

I really thought you was a grown ass man but after witnessing you scream like that I am on the fence

I’ve now made you a slave who will answer all my beckoning calls should have never made me your woman and let me close to you and break down your wall

Written by MsLibrabmore

Poem “NO ENEMY SHALL WIN”

Me with glitter shirt on

As I sit in the dark wondering which way to turn, tears rolling down my eyes, and my heart steadily burns

I look up to the sky and wonder why

Why do they betray me as if I am not your child

Why do they hurt me and laugh  as if hurting a child of God is something that should make one proud

Why do they smile in my face but are quick to grab the first knife

Why do they seek out to kill me as if I am not a priceless life

Why does it seem that I should just turn cold, seek revenge, and make sure that my enemies I scold

Although you told me to turn the other cheek I feel that my get back will be justified

The moment I asked that it started to rain and I heard the Lord’s cry

He said when have I ever let the enemy defeat you

Even at the last minute when it looked like you loss I showed up, showed out showed who was the real boss, and what having faith of a mustardseed was all about

I taught you better my child, and proved myself many times, so why are you taking these enemies and handling them as if  they are your problems and not mine

If I wasn’t with you don’t you think you  would have been dead long ago

So stop getting so frazzled by fake friends, those silly enemies and those powerless foes

You’ve lived 32 years and know how this goes

You’ve seen in the past what I have done to your foes

Most times I let it happen in front of you

Other times I don’t

But when I give them their dirt back  and you are standing right there

Don’t get cocky, mock them about it or laugh

Just send up a prayer

Ask me to help them realize that their hard time is coming from me

Not because you are so powerful but they need to learn how to treat good people you see

Vengeance is mine I said in my book and meant it strongly

Mess around with my children and you will feel it ever so strongly

Written by MsLibraBmore

Poem Inspired by My Past “Taken too Soon”

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17years later and it STILL plays in my head as if it happened just yesterday

I just don’t understand why someone would kill a 14 year old kid that way

The day before you died you walked pass me and said, “hey”  We chatted it up after I asked you why your sad face was that way  You looked worried real worried I wonder if you knew in advance that your body we would soon bury

Later that night, I planned  to sleep  well only problem was I had this bad dream. Someone in the projects was shot in front of me but the person’s face God didn’t choose to reveal it or at least that’s what it seemed.

Next day was so sunny everyone in the hood was out, first of the month, sunshine, normal gossipers,  kids playing oh this was gonna be a good day no doubt  Heard shot one, and shot two where the hell is everyone running to, never in a million years did I think that damn dream was about you.

I’ve often wondered had you lived what you would have turned out to be
Hopefully not a hustler cause Lord knows you see where that you got you baby

Perhaps you would have changed, your mom would have gotten off drugs, you would have found another way of feeding yourself, and showing your siblings some love The things we have to do to survive man sometimes can be worst than being addicted to drugs

Did your shooter know you were more than a hustler to me You were a friend, a confidant, I considered you brother, but we wouldn’t dare ever become lovers.  Our friendship was so deep I dreamed about your death.  Hopefully this serves as a lesson to other that when you hurt others your life God will not bless.